I wrote this post while wearing a plaid shirt.  Why do I wear plaid shirts?  I used to think it was because I like plaid, now I am not so sure.  You see my mentor, Randy, generally wore plaid to church.  So I, as I put together my pastoral wardrobe, buy a lot of plaid.  Why…because I was under his influence.  Don’t get me wrong, his effect and influence on my go beyond clothing, but I can’t help but think that he is one of the most significant reasons if you see me I will be wearing a plaid shirt is because of my relationship with him.

We are so highly moldable it is crazy.  My boys say the word "actually" all the time.  (It is pretty darn cute to hear a two and a half year old say act-twully) I could not figure out why they said it so much until my wife pointed out that I , actually, say "actually" all the time.

This fact, that you and I are moldable by the people around is can be a good thing, or it can be a highly destructive thing.  And making good decisions about who will be a friend is the fourth of the seven checkpoints.

I remember once picking up a kid named Ben to take him to youth group.  On the way to church I asked him what his favorite radio station was.  He told me it was, STAR 101.5.  (Greatest hits of the 80’s, 90’s, and today!) That night we were doing an activity where kids were supposed to share their favorite radio station.  80% of the kids said it was 93.3, KUBE FM.  Well wouldn’t you know it, when it got to Ben, he said it was 93.3 too.  This would not be the biggest deal in the world, after all, it is only a radio station, if that proclivity towards making decisions based on the opinions of others did not get him in a world of hurt later on.

Proverbs 13:20 in the New Living Translation reads…

20 Walk with the wise and become wise;
      associate with fools and get in trouble.

Later on, Ben walked with fools and got in trouble.

A Swedish Proverb says it a different way,

"If you sleep with dogs, you are going to get fleas." 

Or, as Zig Ziglar once said,

"If you want to soar like an eagle, you can’t pluck around with turkeys."

I would like to think that as a pastor I have a profound influence on people, but according to Gallup I come in 17th.  I might as well not even be in the picture.  Number one….friends.

WE HAVE TO TEACH PEOPLE TO MAKE CONSCIOUS DECISIONS TO CHANGE WHO THEY ARE FRIENDS WITH!  THEY NEED TO LOOK FOR FRIENDS RATHER THAN PEOPLE WHO WILL ACCEPT THEM.  If they crave being accepted, their souls are at risk.  If they crave forming Christ-honoring friendships, their souls will be built up.

So how do teach people to make good friends?  How they make friends that lead them on the right path?  I think we need to teach them to…

1.  Recognize the Danger

I was once talking to a kid, a really good kid, who was hanging out with a kid who was bad news.  He told me time and time again that he would not do the same things this other kid would do and I believed him…and he did not.  But he also got rounded up by the police when this troubled kids got in trouble with the law…it was guilt by association at work.

There are “friends” who destroy each other,but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.  (Prov 18:24, NLT)

2.  Formulate a Plan to make the right kinds of friends

I think the book I am basing this series on hits a home run on this point.  If people were to make a top five list of what they want in a friend and then compare that with the friends they now have they would likely find that the two lists do not exactly match up.  Why?  Because people tend to pick our friends based on acceptance rather than based on what we are looking for.

So many friends are counterfeit friends, they are not the real thing.  And if kids had a boat load of counterfeit money, and did not know it was fake, they would spent right and left.  Ask them, has a friend ever pushed you to be better?  Does your friend build you up?  Would your friends stick?

Fake friends bail at the fist sign of trouble.  "See ya, wouldn’t want to be ya," is the mantra.  Have you ever seen a friend bail on another so called friend?  If so, now they will bail on them too.

3.  Be the kind of friend you want

It seems to me that, in large part, people get a reflection of what they put out.  They need to make a decision to be more assertive and less passive when it comes to being the kind of person they want around them.

In the church we need to be the kind of people who do this best.  Accept and push!

4.  Make some new friends.

This is really the missing link to spiritual growth.  I am yet to see a person make a long term change without changing who they let closest to them.

As iron sharpens iron,so a friend sharpens a friend.  (Proverbs 27:17, NLT)

We need to challenge kids to have friends that make them sharp rather then dull.

5.  Take some control.

You see, teens (and adults) are all at various times in their loves thermometers or thermostats.  They, as thermostats effect the temperature and they are from time to time, effected by the thermometer.  The job for us to commission is for them to make a conscious and specific decisions about who they will be a thermostat to and who they will let me a thermostat to them. 

Lets challenge people to a decision to be in change of what they do, what they watch, who they sit with, etc.  People are starving for leaders…be a leader, not a follower, needs to be our message to them.

This is not arrogance, but care and diligence. 

Ephesians 5:15 says,

"Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise," (NIV)  We need to live wise and wise living comes by making wise choices about who will be our friends.

That is the 4th habit my friends. See you next week.