Child believes, but dad….
This is a not that uncommon of a situation….a child believes and a father does not. (Of course, it can happen with a mom as well, but it seems more common with fathers.) It happens quite frequently. This can cause, understandably, all sorts of consternation in a child. They will come to worry about the salvation of their dad. (Or again, mom.)
Recently a dad wrote into Salon.com complaining about this situation and quite upset about it. He was deeply offended that his child was wondering about the eternal destination of his soul.
What I expected to read was "talking points" for explaining to their child the virtues of religious tolerance. But what I read was the author saying, "shut up and go to church with her." Check this out…
Her problem is not that she believes in God. It’s that she believes
you are going to burn in hell when you die. It’s her concern for you,
and her fear for you, that are the problem. She wants to believe
otherwise but has no solid grounds on which to place any hope. If you
go to church with her, you will make it possible for her to believe
that there is at least a chance that you will not burn in hell.
From
this she will derive great benefit. It will give her some peace of
mind. The peace of mind she derives from it will help her in her
schoolwork and in her relationships with others. It will help her sleep
at night and it will improve her attitude toward you. It will be one
less complaint she has against you. It will be one less wedge her
mother can use between you. And it will be the only way you will ever
be able to argue with her about religion with any credibility, should
you choose to do so when she gets older.Now is not the time to argue with her about religion. Now is the
time to strengthen your bond with your daughter by participating in
things that matter to her, by showing her that you respect the way she
lives her life and by showing her that you have an open mind.But don’t just go to church with her. Meet with one of the
officials. That’s right, wander right down on to the field and speak
with one of the guys in the striped shirts. Or whatever they wear.
Arrange a private conference. In this private conference, you can say
whatever you like. It doesn’t matter really. It might be a good
conversation or it might be utterly ridiculous. But show your daughter
that you are willing to engage with one of the people she respects.
Show her that you have enough humility and independence of spirit to
engage, that you are not fearful or dogmatic or close-minded.
I think this may be a good argument to present to spouses who want to know what to say to an unbelieving partner who are presenting challenges to their children. What do you think?
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October 6th, 2007 at 9:20 am
One might think you’re agreeing with the author that the solution is to just lie to her. Not just lie, but orchestrate a dramatic sham by holding an utterly ridiculous (as quoted) meeting with her religious leader.
How long should he keep it up before admitting to her, actually, no, I don’t believe in the Christ?
[Reply]
October 6th, 2007 at 1:51 pm
Thanks for commenting, “geekwad” (Sorry you did not use your real name…I thought you had an interesting take.)
There is a gentleman who attends my church who does not believe in Christ. He attends to make his wife happy. I don’t think he “orchestrating a sham” but being a good husband.
I don’t think it is a bad piece of advice, from the perspective a Christian, to say go to church with your daughter and take an interest in what she does.
A sham would be telling her you believe when you really don’t. I didn’t read the author suggesting that.
The source article goes on to say about meeting with the church official….
“In your own mind, you might approach the matter as a consumer. Don’t be glib with the official or you may be ejected. But in your own mind, think of salvation, or “eternal life,” as a product.
How is this product obtained? Are there instances in which people are granted “eternal life” at random, or must every grant be preceded by an act of faith, or surrender? Are there exact words one must use to close the deal, or will any words to the effect of “I’m in!” suffice? Would a silent act of surrender suffice? If a silent act of surrender would suffice, then is it possible that you have already been saved? And, once granted, can this product be recalled? For instance, what if a child were to be a fervent believer and then later lost his belief? Would that initial belief still grant him eternal life? Go over the terms and conditions, as it were.
Once you have done this, and conversed with an official, you might be able to confidently tell your daughter, without going into specifics, that you think everything is going to be OK, eternal-life-wise. She would probably appreciate that. ….”
In other words…take an honest look at what she believes.
[Reply]