Okay, I realize that it is a provocative title, but I have some serious questions about the wisdom of some of these books.

A good number of Christian marriage books run around and tell the husband and wife that it is the husband’s job to do what ever the wife asks, without question or hesitation. If he is a good enough servant, then she will be in the mood for sex and make him happy.

If your wife is not in the mood for sex, then it is the fault of the man. He was not a good enough servant for if you love your wife like Christ loves the church, she will want to have sex often and with passion.

Now, I realize that men are to serve their wifes and that most men I know (myself included) can do a much better job of serving their wives. But at the end of the day I think this way of reasoning gives permission for women to be selfish and men to become discouraged.

Why do I bring this up? A recent article was published in the Daily Mail that states that women must learn to say yes in the bedroom because failing to do so will lead their husbands to become discouraged and make them want to leave.

They blame feminism which, quite reasonably, told women to take care of themselves. They taught that giving in to men’s sexual desire was pandering and to be discouraged. You should only have to do it when you want to. (You can read the article here)What researchers are finding is (duh!) that this behavior makes men resentful and can make them leave their spouse.

Isn’t that similar to what these marriage books teach? Not the feminism part, but the part where you only are going to be one with your spouse when you feel up to it…when you have been served and doted upon? And doesn’t that message lead to the same resentment and potentially a divorce?

And if loving your wife like Christ loves the church is the key to being happy in marriage (at least in the area of sex), how many men are going to give up trying because they know they can never attain it?

Now, I am not suggesting it is the job of the wife (or husband for that matter) to engage in sex when ever the other party desires…regardless of circumstances. But what I am saying is that some of these books may be training women to be self-centered in their approach to sexuality.

Again, men can and should do better at loving their wifes as Christ loves the church. I can and should do better and serving my wife. And I agree that the wife who feels loved unconditionally will be more apt to be sexually active with their husband, but we can’t teach women in the church that perfection must be attained by their husbands for them to provide sex because if we do, the results are harmful to families and marriages.

So back to my question…are Christian books at fault? Of course not! Not even the really bad ones can be blamed for it…ever. But to say that they have not contributed some ideas that made marriage more difficult in the area of sexuality is not out of line by any means. Am I off base here?

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