Tip # 2 – Seek clarity before, during, and after the situation.

Even
if there is no conflict at the present time, one of the greatest things we can do for our churches is create clarity. I think that mission statements for churches are somewhat over rated (Regardless of how we word it, our
mission is to help introduce people to Jesus and come along side them
in the process of discipleship.) But what is not over rated in the
least is clearly articulated goals, values and strategy. Having set
out before your church where you
want to go (goals), how you plan to get there (strategy), and what the
journey looks like (values) will stop a good amount of conflict before it even starts.

One time a parent asked why I was not promoting a certain event and
attempting to bring students to it. When I was able to point that
person to our values as a ministry and demonstrate how I did not
see the event matching it, I quickly had a parent advocate.  Had I been
forced to articulate my hesitancy about that event extemporaneously and
without a set of values embraced by the leadership of my church, I would
have been much more likely to say something poorly.  This could have left the issue
unsettled…and an unsettled issue can quickly become a political land
mine.  Clarity can get you advocates!

Another area where we need to seek clarity is about the core issue
behind the conflict itself. If you have ever been in a situation where
you are saying to yourself, "I can’t believe we are arguing about
________," chances are that you are involved in conflict because of
something else. We have all heard, and many lived though, horror
stories of church splits over the color to paint a wall or some such
ludicrous topic. I would contend that the real issue is something
different; usually divergent goals, differing values, or questions of
roles and/or perceptions. It has been my experience that you will
frequently discover the real source of the conflict when a face to face meeting is
wrapping up…usually in the last 3-5 minutes. A seemingly unrelated
issue will be dredged up and complained about – the core of that issue
is the real issue. (This is part of the reason that tip 4 will be important
– don’t make commitments and decisions too quickly.) Especially in a small setting -
keep pushing for clarity. One time I had replaced our church’s pop machine with a new one.  Someone was not happy and let me know what a horrible decision this was.  Eventually I asked, "are you really mad at me
over this new soda machine?" This diffused the anger of the situation
and eventually allowed me to see discover the real issues at play.

Part of clarity in political situations is having all your "ducks in
a row." This is partly knowing your rights as defined by your job
description and the church constitution and keep documentation of
anything that effects the situation. But beyond bylaws and procedures
is getting clearly defined the scope of the problem. My experience
leads me to believe that whenever you here something like, "And I am
not the only person to fill this way," it is frequently true. There
usually are one or two others, not the hoards that this person is
hinting at. As a general rule, people don’t like conflict and when an
upset person comes to another with a complaint about the
ministry or you, rather than confronting the upset person about the
complaint they will usually say nothing – which the angry party takes
as a sign of agreement.

Get clarity!

Talk to you again tomorrow.

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