Tip # 3 – Embrace the possible upside of conflict

As
mentioned previously, in many circumstances the political conflict we
are engaged in is not the real issue. If this is the case, in a good
number of these circumstances the source of the conflict is deep,
emotional hurt. For example, many of us are familiar with conflict
centered around issues of control.  If the control issue in someone is unhealthy, we can address that and help.  Conflict is a place where we can be a vessel that Christ uses
for healing.

Another upside to conflict is gaining esteem in the eyes of your church.  This is especially when the conflict is public.  Sticking it out and
working towards a god-honoring resolution will give people a greater
reason to trust you.
In a society where people flee when it gets tough, there are tremendous
ministry and relational opportunities for sticking it out and seeing it
through.

If you are reading this in the midst of a painful conflict, these
words are probably not the least bit helpful – skip forward to the next
section.  But if you read this in between the storms you already know
that the greatest pains we have experienced are the ones that grow us the most.  This is also true when the pain comes from the hands of "well
intentioned dragons" (a term derived from the book of the same name).  One
time in the ministry I was serving, I felt as if some significant
changes needed to be made in how we structured our programming. I
simply announced the changes and then lived through a great deal of
pain dealing with the loss that others felt in how it had been done
before.  After surviving the questioning of my ethics, judgment, salvation, and
leadership abilities I learned that I need to re-read my John Kotter
books and actually put some of
those steps into practice.  I am a much more effective leader because of the mistakes
I grew from.

There is also an upside, if a resolution can not be found, in a splitting
of ways. Over the years we have seen many people come and go in the
churches I have served.  It is never fun to see someone leave and either
quit going to church all together or start worshiping in another
body…sometimes it is downright painful.  The departure is especially
painful when that person is a visible one in the church and both parties
involved with the conflict have made sincere efforts to resolve it and
find resolution.  Yet my experience leads me to believe that in spite of
any short term gap and emotional pain, long term there can be great
benefit to having people who are like minded in philosophy and purpose.  While I passionately believe in diversity and on the surface this may
sound anti-diversity, diversity thrives in a culture of shared values,
mission, and objectives.  Jim Collins, in his outstanding book, Good to
Great and his follow up essay, Good to Great in the Social Sectors,
outlines that a part of the process of organizational improvement is, in
his term, "having the right people on the bus." Sometimes church
politics result in you or another person having to get off
the bus. If it is you leaving, there may be a greater opportunity
somewhere else. (This assumes that you are not a person quick to run
from problems. This is one of the reasons for finding good counselors,
Tip #1.  They can help you make that determination). I have two close
friends who were forced, due to conflict with their supervisor, to leave
their church.  In both cases they were able to get positions with more
resources, a greater opportunity to grow and learn, a better fit in the
church culture, and higher salary too! (This process is again helped
by having advocates. Don’t skip step one and go it alone.)

Enter into conflict positively, trusting that God will do the only
thing his character allows for Him to do…work for good.  Go in with a
mindset that believes that God is still in charge and solutions can be
found.  Motivational speaker and author Zig Ziglar says frequently, "You can’t do
anything with positive thinking but…positive thinking will help you do
anything better than negative thinking can." This is true of conflict!  Solutions tend to come to those who believe that solutions can be
found.  Be that person.

Talk with you again tomorrow. 

Posts in Church Politics Series: