Tip # 4 – Embrace the conflict thoughtfully, directly, and deliberately.

One
of the most common mistakes we make in conflict is making decisions to
quickly and coming to a resolution when one or both parties are not satisfied
with it.  Steven Covey taught us that one of the 7 Habits of Highly
Effective people is to seek win-win solutions to problems.  When we
reach solutions  quickly in church conflict we often end up in win-lose situations – with us frequently being the loser.  In a worst case scenario, a person involved in

the political issue might want to see us removed from leadership.  That
person generally also does not want to be accused of being unfair to
you.  Push deadlines back, ask for several weeks to make decisions, wait
on the counsel of others, explore all your options, and ask how you can
have decisions appealed.

Another mistake common to pastors is not dealing with problems
directly and in a timely manner.  We tend to be an optimistic lot and we
trust that charges lobbed our way will sort themselves out without
unnecessary conflict.  Resist that urge!  If we hear something – call the
individual involved right away. (Site note – avoid doing communication
by e-mail as much as possible.  E-mail can be misinterpreted easily and
can be forwarded to others without your knowledge.) Believe it or not,
some people just want to be heard and are okay with disagreement so
long as you have thoughtfully listened to them and let them state their
case.  Pastor Stuart Brisco said, "Pastors must have the mind of a
scholar, the heart of a child, and the hide of a rhinoceros."  Getting
with upset people quickly and addressing topic directly with firmness
and love is living out that tough/tender pastoral ideal.

That is tip number 4.